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How to Tell a Sea Story
Start with, “This is no shit. . .” Or better yet, put yourself right in the shit with, “No shit, there we were. . .” There should be alcohol present. You don’t have to tell sea stories in a bar but that does seem to work best. Throw in some military acronyms, like “WESTPAC” and “1st CIVDIV.” Assume your audience actually gets your meaning. A little mystery couldn’t hurt. Spice it up with foul language. This is for a real “salty feel.” Be creative, turn verbs into nouns and vice versa. Mention the cool hardware with the cool sounding names. Not the common stuff you get to see on CNN. Work in the “Phalanx Gun” whenever possible. Oh Yeah. Don’t kill anyone off. People in sea stories certainly can get hurt. (In keeping with the genre say they were A.F.U.) Dying isn’t part of this. If you want to talk about dying see How to Tell a War Story.
-By William Rutkowski
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