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    Craniotomy

    Jessica Arconti

    What it feels like, when I see you

    bleeding, breathing, seething

    air, through plastic pipes.

    Imagining your life, I’m inches

    from your woolen socks. Fluid

    seeps from your brain. But your heart

    pumps a kind stranger’s blood

    through your veins. Doctors whisper,

    clipping, pinching, reinforcing, swabbing,

    holding, pulling, pinning, sewing, hunching,

    squinting as I stand by, for the first time, learning.

    Breaking their backs to mend

    your life, preserving

    who you are—one wrong move

    your memories could vanish. I

    gape at the end of your bed. I

    wait, your life dangles by their

    finger stitches.  Somehow

    those who don’t know you

    know how to piece You

    together—even when your life scattered

    like marbles, collectively hitting the floor, only

    to spin away everywhere.

    What regrets you may have had, people you

    remembered, memories in the past, what you

    wished you could keep and

    knew you would miss. I

    am cracked at your feet. They

    patch you together, unearthing

    your fossils, like archeologists.

    I could only be

    silent me, witnessing

    your second chance.

    And they push

    me away,

    make me wait

    alongside

    while they

    surround you

    in blue to grab

    your fingers

    in theirs.

    Whispering

    Cory.

    Louder.

    Cory!

    squeeze my

    hand.

    Can you hear

    me, Cory?

    If you

    can hear me

    Cory,

    squeeze

    my hand.

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